Television has a talent for making cultural differences instantly legible. Think of Jay and Gloria from Modern Family: their relationship is funny, affectionate and sometimes absurd. It is also a reminder of how easily a real country and real people can be reduced to running jokes.

The enduring takeaway should not be that American men and Colombian women follow some predictable formula. There is no such formula. The important part is whether two people can build a life in which each gets to be more than a stereotype.

Ask better questions

What does commitment look like to each of you? What role does extended family play? What are your expectations about career, travel and where to live? These are personal questions, not national traits. One woman's answers will not speak for another's.

Respect is more attractive than certainty

Be curious without acting like a tourist in someone else's life. If your Spanish is limited, say so. If you're unfamiliar with an aspect of Colombian culture, ask rather than assume. Try to notice how people treat one another, not just how they present themselves on a first date.

The most promising relationship is mutual

She is not participating to validate your dream of Colombia. You are not a ticket to another country. Each person deserves the same freedom to say yes, to ask questions, to change their mind and to walk away.

Good chemistry might open the door. Kindness, honesty and emotional maturity are what make it worth walking through.

Independent commentary on fictional characters. AMaleFantasy is not affiliated with Modern Family or its creators, network or cast.

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